so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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