it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
