the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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