I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
you made out with another girl for some wings
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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