Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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