Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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