I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This baby is an asshole
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize