He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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