I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
