You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
