I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
