U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I cut my penus on the lid.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
