I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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