During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
