Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
