you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
