Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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