i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
