sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
