Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
