If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
