how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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