I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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