i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
