Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
