I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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