I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
