The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize