I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
