I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
