I need help removing her.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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