Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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