WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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