I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
