So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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