Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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