$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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