The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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