Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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