"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's blow job season.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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