Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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