I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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