OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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