Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
