He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize