then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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