my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize