Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
