You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
