yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
