someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
