I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
