There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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