I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
