all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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