dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
