My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
