I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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