just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
