I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
