Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
