I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
