having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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