Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize