I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
