She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
