R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
