he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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