I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize