This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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