I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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