i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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