Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I need moral support for this bender
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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