I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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