How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
