he shaved USA in his pubs
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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