Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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